Paralyzing thoughts
It’s close to midnight. You’re sitting at your desk, pondering on some random thoughts or doing miscellaneous work on your computer. Suddenly, a panic strikes without warning – this sense that no one in the world understands you, this thought that you’re all alone in the battles you’re facing.
Do you ever get this deeply unsettling feeling? I do sometimes.
This irrational fear paralyzes me in those moments; the voice in my head tells me that nothing I’m doing is making a difference, and there’s no time to waste in the first place, but I’ve already wasted all my time.
These episodes of irrational fears are different from a panic attack or a depressive episode, from experience. It’s more of an intrusive thought stemming from my deep-rooted insecurities. I’m scared that such amazing people surround me, but I am misunderstood beneath the surface nevertheless. I’m afraid of misspending my prime neuroplastic years on useless shit. Rationally speaking, I could call up my parents and they’ll tell me that even if the entire world hates me, they’ll still support me unconditionally. I could text a few friends or knock on their dorm room and they’ll talk about all the amazing things I’m working on, which I don’t give myself enough credit for. But the reassurances from others are not what I need in those moments.
Self ❤️
Recently, I wrote this tweet:
Entering [or in] adulthood, we need to consistently choose to be there for ourselves, because self belief > their belief. Rather than turning to my parents and trusted friends to hear comments already known to be true, I need to tell myself these things earnestly.
“No one understands me.” So what? I understand myself, and I’m Elena’s biggest supporter.
“What I’m doing doesn’t matter.” This just means that I’m going to continue doing what I believe in, until it does make an impact.
Reaction to unseen battles
Everyone is fighting their own mental battle. Although we’re not necessarily able to relate to one another’s practical challenges, I do know that how we react and respond to obstacles is more important than anything. Gradually, I began to recognize the fact that the fears that come up out of nowhere are irrational. I can’t fully control when it appears or how frequently it happens, but through conscious effort, I was able to make these episodes of intrusive thoughts less severe and pass by faster.
If you’re reading this, I invite you to reflect on your own experiences with irrational fears. They naturally exist in us. Rather than trying and most likely failing at silencing them, attempt perceiving them as thoughts that don’t define your reality instead. Let’s fuel ourselves with self-love and self-belief.
Be authentic, be vulnerable
Elena 💓